Loss of a True Hero

I have waited a few days for it to sink in but a co-worker of mine died Tuesday after a short fight with cancer. I guess he had gone in for a routine check up and they had found tumors on his lung x-ray, others said he had pancreatic cancer and it had metastasized. None the less many paramedics had been sitting by his bedside to help his family care for him. He was sure he was going to get better. RIP Bill, you are going to be sooooo missed.

New Doctor, no New News

Well I saw another doctor today. I put me on light duty for another 2 weeks. He feels that I aggrieved my previous injury so I need a little time off to heal. He also prescribed Physical Therapy again, which luckily is in Gresham so I don't have to drive so far. He also said I needed to find another line of work. I am working hard to get through my nursing studies, but not fast enough.

Doctor Nightmare

So I went to the doctor that I was assigned by my company again today. After sitting in the exam room for a half hour she finally came in and said that we needed to get and MRI. She wrote me a prescription for an MRI last Wednesday which I promptly took over to where I had had my last MRI because they didn't have the number and refused to assist with making any appointment. The MRI place scheduled me for the MRI 2 days later , Friday. I went, had the MRI and they were supposed to sent the result to the doctor's office. I reminded her that I had already gone and had another one last Friday and they were supposed to send they result, which she did not have. She had one of the MAs come in and ask me for the phone number to the MRI place. Who promptly faxed over the Radiologist's written reading of my MRI. She never actually looked at the results. According to what she read there was no change and she planned on sending me back to work. After a couple of "If you were my daughter's" I finally said "So what you are telling me is I have to totally destroy my back to get any medical help." At this point I was irate and reminded her she had sent me back to work back in March before my back was medically stationary resulting in further herniation of the already bulging disc. She told me I needed to "be reasonable" and I was welcome to get a second opinion. Which I promptly told her I would be getting. Needless to say she quickly cancelled my Friday PT appointment and "transferred my care" to no one. I have another appointment tomorrow with a Providence Occupational Doctor, so hopefully they can help me/

Day At The Spa

So my brother got me a gift certificate to a wonderful Spa in Salem called Indulge. Yesterday Tammie and I partaked in the spender of what they have to offer. I started with a Hot Stone Massage which was wonderful, while Tammie had a facial. Once we were both finished, I went and had a Facial while she had the Hot Stone Massage.

After we were done with those we had a nice light lunch while our feet soaked in preparation for our Ice Cream pedicures. I chose a Pumpkin Spice “soaking scoop”. while Tammie choose a Chocolate one. Next they used an ice cram sandwich pumice stone to exfoliate our feet followed by energizing mask I chose Marshmallow Tammie went with Caramel, she has some Marshmallow phobia:-) They followed it all up with body icing lotion, I went with Strawberry Kiwi and Tammie picked Vanilla. Once we were all done with our toppings they painted our toes. Finally was on to the manicure, I went with the Chocolate "soaking scoop" Tammie had Vanilla, we both went with the Carmel energizing mask and Strawberry Kiwi Icing Lotion. All in all it was a fun day at the spa with a great friend.

Professional Courtesy Doesn't Exist in Medicine

Well as far I'm concerned there is NO professional courtesy in medicine. So I went to the clinic the hospital refers my company to. I showed up about 10 minutes before my appointment. Being that I had already been a patient I figured there would only be a little additional paperwork. Well after sitting for about 20 minutes for what I thought was a Physical Therapy appointment. I was told "Oh no, you are here to see the doctor." The receptionist realized that I had to do more paperwork and being that my claim had been closed they needed to find my chart. So after finishing paperwork and sitting in the waiting room for an hour and a half I was taken back to a room. The MA said my name twice and being that I'm in pain and had just asked how mush longer it was going to be she was ready to get he next patient. So I get back to a room and she asks what happened I tried to explain but she cut me off before I could finish. She asked if I was taking anything for my injury and I said yeas and told her the medications. Never asking if I was taking any other medications, which I do. She tool my vitals and said the doctor would be in shortly. The doctor came and preceded to tell me I needed to loose weight (something I know and am trying to do) I needed to find a new profession (something again I am trying to do, and told me that I shouldn't become a nurse. Well what does she expect me to, be a secretary or a MA. So as far as my summation of her message, I'm stupid, fat, and should just go pump gas. Needless to say I left pissed off, irritated, and in pain. The only good thing the doctor did was order another MRI so we will see what the results of that are.

My Back is back to reek havoc

Well, I was working a day car Saturday and carried a patient down 4 steps. By the time I was to our stretcher I felt a sharp pain in my back both left and right side this time. I went to the hospital and they were of no help, pretty much thought I was dumb. I had taken most of my uniform off by the time i got back to a room. They are referring me to Concentra again so we'll see what they say.

Black Friday, Black Idea

So I decided that since I had the day off today I would partake in the after holiday festivities of Black Friday shopping. Oh was that a bad idea! So I started my day by getting up at 3:40am in the morning, after getting home from work at 10:00 pm the night before. Mind you I had gone to work Wednesday evening at 4pm so yes that meant I worked a 24 hour shift and on Thanksgiving. (I had a 3 and half hour nap in between shifts) So I got myself ready, put the dog out and went and woke my mom up. She had no shopping she needed to do but had agreed to go with me. She decided that getting up that early to go shopping was dumb and went back to bed, which meant I was on my own. I had managed to convince one of my bestest friends Tammie to venture the crowds with me and meet me at Clackamas Town Center at 7am. I had decided that I would hit Toys R Us before I met her. I got there at 6am, got a parking spot and went inside. I was met by and employee that was directing people to the registers. I proceeded through the story toward the Aquadoodle area, a friend at work had asked me to pick up 2 things for her. By the time I had made it to the Aquadoodles the ones she wanted where gone so I headed for the stuff I had come after. Remind you I was told not to get a cart and there were none so my 2 hands were all I had. I found the gift I was after and went to find the second thing my friend had wanted and the last thing on the list. To my amazement I was wandering around and found it just sitting on the top of another pile of stuff so I grabbed it. nest was to get in line, but I had to find it first. It was LONG! So I stood in line and stood in line, the standing turned into 1 and half hours. While in line I found another gift I could give that had been cast off by another shopper. Needless to say i finally reached the check stand which took no time. I paid and headed to the mall. I thought on my way I would do something bad and go to McDonald's for something to eat, yeah the line was way too long so I continued to the mall.

I had told Tammie to met me at the Sears end where I found a parking spot rather quickly. I called and Tammie had finished a little shopping at Sears and was waiting outside of Lane Bryant where we had some shopping to do for outfits for my Chirstmas Party. I have invited her to join me at my company Chirstmas, let me correct, Holiday Party so we both wanted to get something to wear. We were greeted by someone and repeatedly asked if we needed any help finding anything. Which we DID NOT! We finished there and I had a coupon at Victoria's Secret, which was a mad house, but I got in and out rather unscathed.

While walking back to the Sears end we saw a kiosk that sold Christmas ornaments. I had Tammie help me pick one out for Dylan for his first Christmas that his Auntie wanted to get him, here's what it looks like.

So I finished up and headed back to the parking lot which wasn't too bad. So I headed home to unload my car. I dragged the large bag from Toys R Us into the house. As I went through the bag I found that the one thing my friend wanted me to pick up hadn't made it into the bag. After looking at my receipt the checker hadn't even rang it up. GRRRRRRRRRRR. I called my friend who said that it wasn't a big deal and to not worry about it. So that was my day of shopping, which I will never do again.

Girl's Night #2

Well, this week is my week for Girl's nights. Tonight I got to go visit my friend Tammie and her adorable little one Dylan. We even managed to pull off a picture. Once her husband came home it was time to go crazy. Which for us is Red Lobster followed by an hour or so of shopping at Old Navy. During dinner we discussed the fact that we are both way to old to "go out" to a club. We'ld get bored after an hour and want to go home. Needless to say I had a great time just catching up.

Girl's Night #1

My friend Lindsey is about 22 weeks pregnant so she gets tired pretty easily. Tonight we did a girls hang out night at her place. We pick up a pizza and watched a couple of movies. It was great to just hang out and relax. It was a change from working. Right is Lindsey, I wouldn't want to mess with her.

Everything There is a Season

Well, yesterday we laid to rest my maternal grandmother.

October 25 my grandma's fight finally ended and she died with many of us (her family) around her. For anyone I talk to regularly you are aware she was diagnosed with a brain tumor in late March, went throught radiation and since her health has gone down hill. In september she was put on Hospice, which was the best thing for her. She was able to get the daily care she needed from our wonderful cousin Lorraine. Things beyond her skill level were done by many wonderful nurses from Hopice.

My grandma was the best. No matter what I need or wanted she would have done anything to get it for me. Which included things my parents already told me I didn't need. Her many stories, no matter how many times I heard them, were always entertaining and educational. Most of my cousins probably would consider my brother and I spoiled because we got so much from my grandmother, mostly her time. Most of that was because of our parents' work sceduales. I really don't care what they say, I got the best years of her life and memories that none of them will ever have. Weither it was our many tirps to The Dalles and Wasco to yet another trip to the mall where I would again get my picture taken. My grandma was the best grandma I could have ever asked for. I will miss her!

Baby Dylan

Well Tammie finally had Dylan. She was induced yesterday around 8 in the morning and finally had him this morning at 10:25am. He's 9lbs 8 oz and 21 inches long. WHAT A BIG BOY! I'm so excited for her. Now it's my other bestest friend Lindsey's turn. She's due towards the end of March 2009 and will find out what she's having toward the end of November.

Will I ever not hurt?

Well, I've been back to work for 2 months now and constantly hurt. Everyone is always asking how Im doing and really just want to say I HURT! and will always hurt, why ask a question you now the answer to.

Well, there is good news in the very near future, one of my bestest friends from high school Tammie is being induced to deliver her first little boy Dylan on tomorrow. My mom and I are going down to see her on Sunday.

1 month back

Well I have been back to work now for a month now. I HURT!! I really wish I never had hurt myself, the road to recover has been way too long and Im sure I will never stop hurting. Im 26 for crying out loud, I shouldn't have these back problems. All I can do now is protect myself and get through the rest of my nursing stuff so I can quit lifting fat people.

Back to Work

Well I finally got released back to full duty on Monday. I have worked 4 shifts now and was sore after every one of em. I think soreness and pain is just going to be a part of life with is a sucky idea. Any ways we'll see what happens over the next few weeks.

Another 3 weeks

Saw the doc again on Monday and he said 3 more weeks off. I really feel useless at this point. PT said that I haven't off too long based on the job requirements. I'm going to just keep working hard to get back to "normal."

Well I saw the surgeon again today and he decided to keep me off work for another 3 weeks. I was hoping to go back to work today, but at the same time I still hurt. I'm also a little scared to go back because I don't want to get hurt again or hurt anyone else. I'm going to work hard in OT for the next 3 weeks to try to get back to "normal," whatever that may be.

4 weeks Post surgery

Well it's been about 4 weeks since my surgery and I'm feeling pretty good. A week after surgery I saw the doc who took the stitches out. I saw him again yesterday and he released me to start Physical Therapy. Which means I can get back to moving more. My mom and I have actually taken a walk the last 2 nights which was nice. Tonight however my back was a bit sore. I still can't find a comfortable position to sleep in. After a while sleeping on my back makes it numb. If I sleep on either side I have to put 2 pillows between my legs. My back kind of gets off kilter without the pillows. Well we'll see how I feel after physical therapy.

Surgery

Well after going back and forth with calling the insurance and the doctor's office it was decided last Thursday that I would be having surgery tomorrow, April 23. I'm excited to get back to doing thing I did before November. At the same time I'm a little nervous to have yet another surgery in my life. At 25 I've already had 5 surgeries all of which I was miserable after. I'm afraid of getting out of bed and recking something. Ive been bored for the last month just hanging out at home. My friends have tried to cheer me up by meeting me for dinner. After while you get tired of it all. Just doing little things like picking up a dropped sock takes a lot of work. I just want to be back to "normal." However normal i was before I got hurt. Well, we'll see what happens.

Blogging?

Well. After reading a couple of friends' from high school's blogs I thought I would try it out. My life as of recently has been some what of a disaster slash jumbled mess. In November I tore disc L4/L5 and bulged disc L5/S1 in my back. I have never have a kid but hear it's pretty painful. I couldn't bend over, roll over in bed, and my left butt check would go to sleep if I sat to long. By the end of November I was able to roll over in bed on my own. One would have thought I was 1 again, having to have my mom roll me over in bed. Many times I didn't want to wake or bother her so I would just lay in bed, in pain. A couple of times I called Nathan, my brother, who was in the next room to help me. He's young, he doesn't need his sleep. In early November I received a letter from Portland Police indicating I had passed my written test with them. The next step was to go through an oral interview in January. Again I passed my oral interview which moved me to the next step, the Physical Agility Test. The problem arose that I was still on lite duty and still unable to pick the bath mat off the floor. (When I was able to it was considered a giant leap in what I thought was recovery. I was scheduled for my PAT test for February, I called and postponed it until March. I was supposed to go do the PAT test March 8th but again still was unable to bend over. At this point in my career I'm limited on where I can work as a Paramedic. One could try to get a job with a fire department, try being the operative word. ( I of course don't understand why anyone would knowingly run into a burning building so that option is out. ) I can work in one of the ERs as a tech however the pay is peanuts compared to the responsibly put on you and the crap you have to seal with. The only other choice locally is to work for a private agency, which is where I still work. You work long hours, get told your not good enough, are required to have 48 hours of continuing education every 2 years, and get paid nothing near what you should. I have reached a decision that this profession is no longer something I can physically do.. I ask myself well if I can't be a Paramedic can a really be a Cop? I'm still not sure. The idea is a nice one: PERS, good benefits, being part of a team where your co-workers aren't out to out do you, and I can see being a detective 5 years down the road. True it's still in EMS but I do enjoy medicine. After all I became a Paramedic while I was Pre-Med in college then decided that I liked it. The other path I have seen myself taking is as a nurse. I have the prereques finished as of Next Friday after my final in Microbiology. .....All in all I'm really t a point where I don't know what I want to do. I'm feeling overwhelmed and a little lost.